Curse and Cantrip

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter!I haven't been making any noise; I don't think it's heading for me. The crashing sounds like bushes and things, so I will probably be safe if I climb a tree? That cypress has a low branch. I nimbly climb, much more smoothly than I anticipate. With this height, I can see through the surrounding branches that the thing coming towards me is... Oh, dear. It looks like a cross between an alligator and a rhinoceros. It doesn't seem to be particularly agitated; it's just casually destroying the environment...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter!The leaf got blown around by some wind, and I just kept going in the original direction. Good night, sweet leaf, and may a flight of fish sing thee to thy rest. I have been walking for a while, and haven't seen too many other beasties so far, making me think this was the heart of that giant dragon's territory. Just my luck. Also, I think I have only a couple more hours of sunlight left, and still no shelter. Hopefully my game stats don't come from one of those where zombies attack at night. Well, I...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter!Looking down at the murky water, I barely make out a face that looks simian. Moso says I am a troll, and I kind of look like a small ape. I guess apes are trolls here? I must be sure to break the mold by not leaving nasty comments on message boards. At least, I would rather think about that than consider my odds with the ladies, since I doubt many women are aroused by a chimpanzee. Maybe I can learn some shape-changing magic down the line and become a more socially and romantically acceptable form?...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter!“I didn't realize you could keep pigs in a swamp.” That is a lot of swine. Their skin looks kind of shiny, like they are well oiled. “You just got to pay attention to your drainage and embankments. Daddy taught me a lot of that.” Moso gives a wistful smile; oh no, I feel the waterworks coming on! “And you cleared enough land for some fields?” It looks like he has several dozen acres penned in by this enormous bamboo thicket. How is he keeping animals out? How is he working all this? “Yeah, I grow...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter!I never want to be woken up like this again. Moso has me torn between remaining asleep and attending to the biology of my body. Such a choice remands the heavenly countenance of my bedchamber to a more pernicious lot, that of Purgatory, with Heavenly Bliss something one can only contemplate. “Get out of bed already, man! You've been in there long enough for the dead to get back up! This food is getting cold.” Moso, I swear I needed that blanket more than anything. Reality will come tumbling down if I...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! This boat ride is boring. Moso has to pay attention to the scenery so he told me at the beginning he would start any conversations we needed to have. Did I annoy him by being a chatterbox? I can't tell. But we have a couple hours on the boat to get to the village. Occasionally we pass another swamp dwelling set up on a particularly large hill rising out of the swamp. A few times we see other boats, but we all zip past without talking or slowing. This boat is going very fast. Where do they get these...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! I manage to find a few useful recipes before we arrive. There are some cooking recipes that seemed basic and functional, and, surprisingly, I can make a ton of different guns and explosives. Hopefully they don't immediately get outclassed by this world's technology. There was also a section on clockwork and spring-loaded traps that looked fairly useful, and, finally, I found a section on alchemy and potions. I don't have materials for any of these recipes yet, but I might be able to find either the...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter!I am by myself again. Moso was pretty cool; he taught me about making sausages and smoking meat. I was hoping he would stick with me longer, but he has a home and some sort of community, I guess. I got some food, in these lightweight faux ceramic containers. The tech level is weird. People are dressed in leather armor and carrying bows, but an outboard motor? Yeah, sure. These containers remind me of plastic storage containers. If I start seeing resealable plastic bags and cars, I will give up on...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! It itches. So bad. What happened? As I begin tearing at my tattered robe, trying to figure out what is going, I realize my legs are covered in tiny red ants. They're hard to see in the gloom, and all I can think to do in response is create water, lots of water. And I want it to be light, it needs to stay floating, attached to my legs. It still burns, but not as bad. I'm wearing pants made out of water. I could already make people drown, but this has various applications. Yeah, distracting myself...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! This has been pretty easy so far. I started messing with layering my eyes with a thin membrane of energy that lets me see magic. I'm not sure how it works, but apparently my cantrips do not care about me understanding, just my intentions. After getting to the point where I could see my gravity magic, I figured it was good enough to see who was enchanted. It has worked perfectly so far. I've freed a lot of slaves from their mental domination, killed a lot of people I disagree with ideologically...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! I still feel sick from what I did. I can’t get that image out of my head. Tuck can tell I am bothered, but I am too bothered to address the fact that he is noticed. He keeps looking at me, his nose and whiskers twitching. His tiny nose. That little nose. Tyu watches me impassively and doesn’t say anything, just helps me when I stumble. My eyes burning, I croak out that we need to meet everyone else. They are slowly making their way north, although Jondahar told me to expect some groups will splinter...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! It’s not white anymore, it’s dark. I can feel a swaying. This is soothing, and nothing is pounding my head. In fact, there is no soreness, no pain, just the rocking, and a little bit of noise. “You awake?” Jondahar’s deep voice not only rumbles in my ears, but also all along on the front of my torso. Opening an eye, I see his shoulder slightly shifting as the underbrush moves past, my cheek on his back. “I’m alive,” I croak out. Jondahar takes me off his back and gives me a canteen. “We’re heading...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! Waking up is awful. An orc lady shakes my shoulder and tells me something, but I cannot move. I see everything around me, but beyond the orc lady, who was quite pretty, entities with triangular faces and huge eyes stare down at me, unblinking and emotionless. Their long limbs stretch into needles. They swell up into enormity and the limbs dip down, straight into me. I feel a violation as the needles go into my spine through my posterior, and then I feel a sharp shock and my view tumbles around. “Are...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! We’ve already gone through all the poles. As we moved along the river, we kept running into Sidhe merchant vessels that are heavily armed. I guess when most of your trade revolves around slaves, staying armed is normal. While my main tactic, to ascend when we get attacked and just wait them out, does in fact work, now we are waiting for a vessel to leave and we have no more poles. While we wait for the Sidhe to leave, I turn system notifications back on for a second, and I still get an unending...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! The forest shrinks to overgrown meadows, and, in the distance, we can see the orderly checkerboard pattern of farmlands. The first big clearing we come across, however, has a unique sight. A large rock structure with an opening carved out in the shape of a fanged mouth and holes for beady eyes gives off a sinister, serpentine glare towards the farmlands. And in the clearing surrounding it are a group of odd beings rooting through grass that comes up to their waists, finding small animals and killing...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! I have found the ultimate in fortifications. A stout metal door, full of bars and locks and magical barriers. Heavy, thick walls, floor and ceilings made of reinforced concrete and enchanted against all sorts of impacts and magic. I am safe from the world! Except really it is the other way around. I was told I am a player and informed that if anything happened at all while they transported me to this prison, they would put me to death on the spot. I don’t know what they mean by player, but I will...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! The sudden darkness made me feel slightly dead, so I feel about on my body. Yup, all the furry bits are still attached. This concrete bunk has a thin pad which I guess I can use as a blanket or a mattress, but not both. No pillow. I guess I can craft some stuff in the dark. The crafting windows are eerie with how they illuminate themselves but not my surroundings. As I go through crafting recipes, I find one section that might be suitable. Extraplanar tailoring sounds right up my alley. My crafting...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! Later that night, I receive a message from Rhynn, saying “Make sure you hide all your shit before morning or if you hear anybody at your door. They like to confiscate stuff. Good luck with the research!” I am slightly unhappy as thus far my research screen has only allowed me to research skills related to fecalmancy. Instead of storing my poop in my inventory, I now have a separate pocket dimension for waste. I can do terrifying things to people. I can flood colons, causing them to rupture by...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! “We’re getting drunk tonight. And eating some delectable treats!” After the whiskey comes a smorgasbord of fancy finger foods. They’re all delicious, and after stuffing my face for a minute and asking for water to wash them down with before starting on the whiskey, I ask Rhynn what kind of magic I should research to get access to the Spirit World. “That’s a good question. There are lots of magic systems that can let you travel between from this world to the spirit world. My muscle magic lets me...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! I barely get everything loaded back in my inventory before the door is open. The golems’ faces beam light through the darkness. The lights sting my eyes. “Get up. You’re due for a hearing.” Hearing? But I haven’t met with a lawyer. In fact, outside of getting probed for pathology, I haven’t seen anybody official at all. Periodically a meal tray gets pushed through a small slot under the door. I don’t think they did that every day. I guess they expect players to have their own food and water. “Good...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! “I bet you stayed awake for that!” Gadlihob shakes my hand, and then pulls out a handkerchief to wipe his hand clean. Podlihob greets me somewhat morosely, and Rhynn wraps me up in a bear hug. “You’re a free man! Or ape. Whatever.” Rhynn smells just as one would imagine, like a bar full of whiskey and cigarettes. The odor cuts through my dumpster reek and is a nice reprieve from the stink. “You too?” We were just hanging out a few hours ago in prison, getting drunk, right? “Oh, I actually was never...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! “What the fuck was that?” Gadlihob hisses at me while Rhynn sets up some sort of flying vehicle. “You didn’t tell me you could make gigantic diamonds fall out of your ass.” “I just used my cantrip, like I told you before. I can conjure stuff.” I was honest with him before, I swear! “Wizards conjuring diamonds worth more than this city block is not normal. If you have the urge to do anything like that, I recommend running it by your fucking lawyer. Also, I was handling your case pro bono, but I think...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! The next morning, I wake up to an amazing smell in the air. Poking my head up from the couch, I see Rhynn in his kitchen, poking at a frying pan. I stretch my jaw, getting the tightness out from sleeping on one side. One large yawn and stretch later, and Rhynn speaks to me. “Coffee’s done. Bacon should be ready soon. If you can wait I’ll do omelets. If you can’t wait, I’ll make more bacon and still do omelets. There are some ingredients prepped in the fridge. Pick out what you want on your omelet....

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! The restaurant is small, which isn’t surprising since kobolds are tiny. Rhynn isn’t especially tall, but he looms like a giant in here. Both Podlihob and I, who are shorter than Rhynn, still seem unreasonably large for this place. The kobolds act like this isn’t a problem at all and seat us at a table. The light is dim, and a small candle on the table barely illuminates our faces and the table. A waitress brings us menus and asks us what we want to drink. Rhynn immediately orders us all waters and...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! With full bellies we head to some gym Rhynn knows while passing around one of those earthy cigarettes. Rhynn said he’s going to test our combat abilities there and come up with a training regimen based on how we do. I’m a little anxious, since I’m not sure I can fight without murder. I guess restraint is not in my vocabulary of actions. The gym is huge, with a very full parking lot. Rhynn just makes his vehicle disappear as usual, so we pile out at the curb and then walk in. I hear a roaring cheer...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! The whiteness of the room hurts my eyes when I finally open them. I try to talk, but all I can do is open and shut my mouth. I try to move my hand, and instead one side of my face twitches. “You might be invulnerable to damage, but you can still be flummoxed by status effects. Good to know.” Somebody is smoking near me and says those words. I do not know what that means. Wait! I think I remember that person. I try to say hello. “Hyurp?” The words won’t come out the way I want. “Oh shit. Are you...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! I wake up and notice the room is mostly empty. It’s just me on a couch and nothing else. I go to the kitchen, and it’s empty too. What the fuck? I open the fridge; it is empty too. That’s a bit much for burglars, right? “You’re awake, good. We’re moving into a bigger apartment. You don’t need to couch-surf, and Podlihob is going to move in with us instead of just using a guest room.” Rhynn stands in the open door to the apartment. “Sounds awesome. Is there breakfast?” My stomach is an empty hole. I...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! We’ve reached a safe area inside the dungeon and are currently enjoying a meal Rhynn brought. He said this is brined pork medallions in a brandy crème sauce with sun-dried tomatoes. It is pretty tasty. Rhynn also had a bottle of wine, which he said was light on tannins for a red. When I taste it, I can suddenly spit out facts about the grape used and where it was grown. I wonder if that’s from a title or a skill? Our dungeon clearing has been going well. We’ve received large quantities of money,...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! After the dungeon, we go shopping at a store catering to players. I had made the equivalent of several months of income in a day and buy another wand so I could use two wands at once for double the magic and thrashing wires. As I look around for something else to buy, Rhynn found a magical headgear that protects against concussion and recommended it to me. I think I look silly in it, like I’m trying to pretend I am an athlete or something, but Rhynn was insistent I needed it. After that, we go to a...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! “We’re going to my restaurant,” Rhynn announces as he drives us away from the arena. We haven’t been there at all. In fact, Rhynn rarely mentions it. “Drinks are on me. Let’s get stinko, boys.” Podlihob and I both express gratitude, and I then ask “What kind of food does your place serve? We haven’t had dinner, after all.” “Fusion cuisine. I made the original menu, but the current chef has departed pretty far from it. A lot of it is food meant to be paired with drinks. Especially beer and cider. The...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! Podlihob and I are washing dishes after breakfast when Rhynn declares we’re taking it easy in the morning and going to a dungeon in the afternoon. He’s decided my teleportation skills mean we do not have to worry about the travel time back home, so we are taking it easy early and doing a dungeon that changes based on time of day. Podlihob settles in with watching a morning sports news show, hoping there is a mention of our match from last night, and scrolling through social media apps for any...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! After lunch in the apartment, we head to the special dungeon. The tree, according to Rhynn, is split into three areas. There is an exterior area going up the outside into the branches with avian monsters. There is an interior area with gigantic termites and wood ants going up into the trunk. And if we go down inside the trunk, there is an area of elementals and abominations that dwell in the dark. Rhynn says the exterior area has special monsters that appear around sunset and dawn when the birds...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! “What are we doing with all these feathers?” I ask at breakfast. “These feathers can be used to make magic mantles. With these, we can sprout wings and fly.” Rhynn has cooked steak and eggs this morning, with sourdough toast. “I figured the mantles would also make us look more like a team in the arena.” “Oh, that’s neat. Who can make the mantles?” A feathered mantle sounds exotic. Will we be accused of cultural appropriation by an indigenous tribe? Too bad, I will bomb them with poop using my flying...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! Alba has been gushing at us about our match for about ten minutes. We have all changed into our regular clothes, and Rhynn is ignoring him by staring at his phone. Podlihob has pulled out a ball and is idly bouncing it off the floor and a locker before catching it. This is dumb, I’ll be the rude guy who says something. “Hey, I’m going to let you finish, I just need to know where the toilet is in here and you can go back to talking. To those guys. Who aren’t paying attention at all.” It’s hard to not...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! To my surprise, the stairs going up don’t include any traps or jump scares. When we get to the top of the stairs, there is a desolate hallway. Despite how awful the hallway looks, there are several doors all shut fast. One would figure that if this place was so ramshackle, the doors would be hanging off their hinges. “Don’t worry, I got this.” I fling the first door open and let loose a spray of goo before I can even register what is in there. “Well done. You conquered the linen closet.” They’re...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! I wake up in bed, sunlight streaming through the window full onto my face. It feels good to wake up in my bed in this manner. I can’t remember how yesterday ended, but that’s not a big deal, right? To have fuzzy memories of just one night? We probably drank or a lot or smoked something funny. I stretch and decide I want a shower. I then find a note on my door. We’re out making sure the meeting goes well. There’s coffee and pastries in the kitchen. Take it easy today. – Rhynn A lazy day! I enjoy a...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! My eyes register the white world, despite my eyes still being closed. Hey, this is the place with that shitty god! I haven’t thought about it in a while. He’s a jerk, right? Your life amuses me. You hide and hide and hide, and you’re not doing anything meaningful. I enjoy your fear. But there isn’t enough. It’s time to escalate things. You’re going to suffer, and I am going to record it for future entertainment. This guy sounds like the cheesiest villain. Maybe he needs some wine with his villain...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! I don’t remember falling asleep, but that seems to be what I do when I go to that white world. I guess I’ve been asleep for a while. My eyes are still closed, but I can tell I’m awake because one of my sinuses feels slightly plugged, and that’s definitely not something I notice when I’m asleep. Sleeping feels so good, I don’t want to open my eyes. I really want to go back to sleep, but I can hear something. Is that voices? I don’t recognize them. “…nothing to worry about. The sleep spell gets...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! This place is a giant maze, and I am super lost. Also, I’m still naked. I did leave a special present on one of the guards back there, though, and they had some napkins handy, so I am doing okay around my nethers at least. It was dark, so I made a little light to float by me. But this maze! There are areas with walls of prison bars, and skeletal archers and mages past them. There are open areas full of zombies and ghouls. Sometimes, intangible undead attack me through the walls, the floor, and the...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! There are sparkles from me killing this boss, and a drop item! Hooray! It is… It looks like a clear raincoat. Yes, it is a ghostly overcoat and that is why it is transparent. I guess I will put it on to keep myself clean. I look like a pervert, though. Naked in a transparent coat, officer, that’s the pervert troll over there! He’ll probably throw poo at us while he jerks it! Yeah, that seems the most likely response to my outfit. Life can be kind of tough when you’re naked and kidnapped in a...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! It’s weird floating above the tunnel like this. I can see incorporeal undead, wraiths and ghosts and whatnot. They notice me as well, and try to attack, but they can’t get as far up as me. They hit some sort of invisible barrier and angrily chitter at me. I have broken the dungeon’s limits and they are super jealous they cannot get to my level. Cry harder, your ghost tears are delicious! When the susurrus gets annoying, I liberally spray them with my hot wizard goo, and I get blasted with ghost...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! I am itchy around my nethers. I’ve finally run out of suitable wipes and am having a sad day inside this pipe. Did I fall asleep for a second? Something was upsetting me. I think it had something to do with my friends. What did they do? Your memories are fading faster and faster. You probably don’t remember me. A voice in my mind? There’s a glowing praying mantis about the size of a cat hooked onto the grate and staring at me. “I think I would remember glowing telepathic bugs.” This is just a...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! I can see. I have never seen anything like this before. Is that ultraviolet? I didn’t think there was much at night, but there is enough to texture everything with an iridescent purple shimmer. Hearing is strange as well. Everything feels weird. Oh yeah. I’m reliving a memory about me as seen from a bug person’s point of view. That’s a new experience. The gas is all gone. We should have no issues checking the house. I can feel it. A claw stuck inside the house somehow can detect the composition of...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! I am back in a disgusting sewer pipe, with only gelatin Tyu and my self-loathing for company. I vomit bile, because that seems to be the thing to do after finally getting reconnected to my physical body. I recommend meditation. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. I think I have a meditation skill. I can use that and see if it makes me feel better. I feel a gooey impact on my forehead. Do not rely on a skill. You must be the one to meditate, not the system. “There’s a difference?” This is...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! Your bouncing is remarkable. Just because you enjoy aerobic exercise, however, is no reason to neglect anaerobic training as both provide benefits. “I’ll try to remember that.” I make myself slightly heavier to see if that makes the bouncing any more difficult and bounce much higher than normal. That was different. How do you control that? “I just have the idea and kind of figure out the math. The numbers happen on their own, I guess? There I messed with my weight, then had to compensate on the...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! “Thank goodness you’re safe, we were coming to rescue you.” Rhynn sounds a bit flustered. It’s kind of hard to see their expressions from up here, but I think I should ask my questions from up here in case there is combat. This pipe will be easy to retreat into if things go poorly. “Thank you for the help. I had a few questions about some things if you don’t mind.” “You sure this is a good place for that? This place has an hour timer for respawns, so the longer we spend in here, the more bullshit...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! Podlihob and Alba both look a little beaten up, but otherwise everyone is okay. “Well, that wasn’t the Nihilist Imperative. They use berserkers and suicide bombers as pawns. Not Frankensteined kaiju.” Rhynn shakes his head. “I talked to somebody named Kushpok who said they were responsible for the kidnapping because they wanted to talk to me.” Kushpok looked super spooky but did not seem like they were trying to kill me. “Kushpok? Okay. That’s actually okay. Kushpok’s really a reformist, not a...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! The light hurts my eyes. There’s not much down here, but what little there is still stings of fresh ultraviolet. This area has some twisted girders sticking out of the concrete like a grove of trees writhing in pain. I see a pack of thugs sizing us up and open a gate to my bedroom. We enter my bedroom, and once all are inside, I banish the gate with a snap of my fingers. I’m an imperious lad. “I’m hitting the bathroom and we can talk in the living room when I’m done.” I open the door...

Play the song while reading! Comment about what you though in the comments below the chapter! Rhynn and Podlihob are sitting in the living when I come into it. Alba has left, I guess. “Meeting me in the prison cell was planned. What about you, Podlihob? Was meeting you in the courthouse planned as well?” I want these sorts of things in the open. “I got the most votes to help you, since I was the only VR-tuber with access to a lawyer non-player who could assist, and there aren’t many lawyer players.” Let’s just get direct. “Are you guys actually my friends? Can I trust you?” “Dude, I’m your...