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I am back in a disgusting sewer pipe, with only gelatin Tyu and my self-loathing for company. I vomit bile, because that seems to be the thing to do after finally getting reconnected to my physical body.

I recommend meditation. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.

I think I have a meditation skill. I can use that and see if it makes me feel better.

I feel a gooey impact on my forehead.

Do not rely on a skill. You must be the one to meditate, not the system.

“There’s a difference?” This is news to me.

Yes, and using a skill in this instance will not help you if you are reminded of this situation again. You must be the one to face the gravity of your actions, not the system.

I take several deep breaths and close my eyes. I see dead bodies. I take a breath. I consider myself fit for suicide. I take a breath. I imagine being killed and think I deserve it. I take a breath. I take a breath.

I finally fall into a rhythm of breathing and focus only on the breathing. There are a few more jolts of guilt and despair, but on the whole I think this is going well.

Now that you have calmed yourself, let us discuss what you learned from watching that memory.

“I was trying to kill some people for doing bad things, and I killed all their kids as well, so I’m a big piece of shit.”

That’s the truth of the matter, right?

From a certain point of view, yes. However, you killed a family which had for generations tortured and abused slaves for their profits and pleasure. In fact, most of the slaves you freed would have told you to kill the children, but for the few who acted as nursemaids and nannies.

“I find murdering kids objectionable regardless of how they may have felt. I’m having a hard time getting past that.”

Then learn from your mistake. Do something to help children. Atone for your crime. Your action was horrible but refusing to improve yourself regarding your mistakes is even worse. You have the power to make a difference in the lives of people. If you are repentant, act.

“What, like run an orphanage? How am I supposed to make things up to the kids I killed?”

You cannot. They are dead. You can protect other children, however. An orphanage is not a horrible idea.

“I just need to figure out how to run an orphanage? That’s the answer?”

It is an answer. One you provided. If you do not care for it, provide another.

I don’t have a rebuttal to that. I sit there, thinking about running an orphanage. As I consider it, I begin remembering things. Little details that had slipped my mind, over and over.

I feel something odd on my neck and realize Tyu is withdrawing an ectoplasmic claw from me.

I have finished cleaning the plaque from your brain. There was a virus creating the plaque and preventing the plaque from being cleaned naturally which I have also removed. That was the cause of your dementia. How is your memory?

“I can remember some things I had forgotten. It’s a bit confusing.”

Usually I would allow for a person to remember things naturally after the surgery. I may have nudged your neural network to jump start the process, as your mind seemed eager to repair the damage. You have quite the regenerative prowess. Your confusion should fade shortly.

“I won’t forget things anymore?” I forgot entire books I had read recently. I learned a runic alphabet and had forgotten that book.

I would not say that. For instance, if you became severely depressed, that could cause memory loss. Such as: if you focus on something negative for far too long. My recommendations for dealing with depression are to focus on the positive, not the negative, as trite as that may be. To aid in that, you should then work out a routine and commit to a learned process as part of that routine. Regardless of the results, if the process is verifiable on a metric and you collate the resulting data, the process is worth believing in. Do not focus on individual results, only the aggregate as part of the refining your process. And finally, most difficult of all, you must have a high tolerance for frustration. Incidentally, I recommend including high-impact exercise in your routine as a preventative against cancer. You seem to be carrying a bit much around the abdomen. Try to fast once a week, as well.

“I will try to remember all that.” That was quite the lecture.

I will be assisting you in creating your routine. Once I have observed you are able to maintain a routine, I will allow that your memory issue has been addressed to some level of satisfaction. If your memory issue were to affect your ability to carry out your instructions, then your treatment will be for naught.

I blink a few times. I guess this isn’t that different from living with Rhynn and Podlihob. One of them was usually with me. Wandering through here was the first time I had been alone in a while.

Oh, and I am a baby-murdering monster.

That is negative. Do not think about that.

Do I want thought police? I guess in the interest of getting better, it is okay.

I vow I shall remain as unintrusive as possible and assist you as best I am able.

“I guess we can try this out.” He’s got psychic powers and is a surgeon, that is helpful. If he gets annoying, I can tell him to go away.

Tyu’s form shrinks down until his form is the size of a regular praying mantis, and leaps onto my shoulder.

“This feels like I have a wizard familiar.” I remember I have a window that allows me to summon familiars and see a brain drake selected when I open it.

“I could summon a familiar that makes me smarter.”

I recommend against that. A higher rate of cognition is not beneficial when attempting to limit the rate at which one’s internal echo chamber may attempt to incite negativity. I recommend something you can cuddle with, as that can distract you from the aforementioned mental echo chamber.

“Oh. I see one that’s a kitten. I could probably handle a kitten.” It says it is a Scottish Fold.

Then summon your familiar when you are ready for it. I do not know that you are currently equipped to handle it.

“This sewer probably isn’t the best place for it.”

Do you wish to catch up with your friends?

“I can see them on the map. I guess I should let them know what’s going on.” They’re fighting another boss; one I had killed on the way here a while ago. We can cut across and get there quickly enough, and now that I am remembering things, I want to talk to them and ask a few questions.

Then we should be moving. Let us go and tell me your story from the beginning.

1 Comment

  1. zavyyn

    You just have to talk to that therapist the one time and everything is fine forever, you know.

    Reply

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