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This place is a giant maze, and I am super lost. Also, I’m still naked. I did leave a special present on one of the guards back there, though, and they had some napkins handy, so I am doing okay around my nethers at least. It was dark, so I made a little light to float by me. But this maze!

There are areas with walls of prison bars, and skeletal archers and mages past them. There are open areas full of zombies and ghouls. Sometimes, intangible undead attack me through the walls, the floor, and the ceiling. Those are mostly made out of rusted sheets of metal welded together. Something about the way they are joined does not inspire confidence. Sometimes, instead of sheet metal for walls, there’s metal grates, but I’m not interested enough to look through the grates.

I have this idea about using ATP as holy magic and it seems to be working. Haha! I thrust at you with wizardly life magic, foul labyrinth denizens!

I try making some ATP in my hand and eating it. Made me feel better! I also fill my mouth with water and swallow. I can stay in this maze forever! Well, I only have a few more napkins tied around my arm, so eventually, a special kind of desperation will set in. I must get out of here before that happens, no matter what.

My determination is grimly set; I move into yet another room. Most of the big rooms only have one entrance and exit, and I have confirmed that after I go through a room, it stays the way it was. I think this an instanced dungeon. I’m not in a party though, so I am not sure how they got me in here. Now I know why my cell earlier had some skeletons, though.

I manage to get a wand from a skeletal mage, and once I clean all the goo off, I find it works great. It doesn’t really have any outstanding abilities, but it has a diamond tip and I have some fun shooting lasers from it. I name the wand Cat Toy and am ashamed, but nobody is around so who cares? Lasers are hard to get right, and this is fun practice.

This next room is enormous and seems empty. But something about this room is raising my hackles! The floor is a metal grate, and I worry about what that means. It really gives the feel of a boss room. A named monster is going to make its appearance here, and I am naked and alone and in the dark except for my floating magic light and my Cat Toy wand that can burn a hole through various metals. Incidentally, I made the laser color variable, so it isn’t stopped by a shirt of the wrong color. Thank you, science.

I can’t see the ceiling of the room, extending high up into darkness. Likewise, below the grate is only darkness. Does the boss come from above? Is the grate there to let vile fluids seep down below? Or are flames going to come from down there? I am just barely inside the room. I conjure another globe of light and have it float up. The globe isn’t moving very quickly, though. Lasers go super-fast; I’ll just fire one off and see what happens.

I set the laser to cycle through a rainbow of colors and blast it on a continuous stream to the ceiling. I hear a distant roar and feel vibrations in the floor. It sounds like there are multiple crashes above me, getting closer. This might be dangerous, time to back up through the door and turn off the laser. Except the door is shut and won’t open. I can huddle in the frame though.

An enormous, glowing mass lands in front of me. Is that a skeletal dragon? The bones are slightly transparent and glowing a pale green. I shall name this the ectoplasm dragon skeleton! There are some scorched areas where the laser burned it.

I summon an enormous amount of ATP and coat the dragon. Hahaha it’s now a pearl dragon.

The dragon is melting and dripping through the grate. Too easy! Wait, does this boss have a second stage? Ectoplasm could be intended to drip through that grate anyway. I need to be careful of the second stage here. Maybe it turns into a ghost, or a giant blob of ectoplasm, or maybe it… Is that a mushroom?

The ectoplasm on the grate looks like it is dripping down but has formed a giant upside-down mushroom. It’s still growing, and all my goo has fallen off. Mushrooms makes spores, right? I bet this is some sort of area of effect attack, and I want no part of it.

I goop the mushroom. It shudders and tears itself apart where the goo is the thickest. I hesitate to describe what specifically the mushroom looked like right before I gooped because I can only handle so much sexual innuendo while I’m naked in a dungeon.

No, there’s a third stage? The ectoplasm is streaming back up through the grate in defiance of gravity! You know what? Fuck this thing. I’m not waiting to see what it makes next. More goo. There’s a little less ectoplasm. MORE GOO.

I lose track of time, liberally spraying the ectoplasm with my magical effluence. Each time, another layer of the ectoplasm vanishes, and the mass tries to form into something else. Finally, the mass is about my size, and I just surround it in a floating mass of ATP, and let it dissolve the ectoplasm.

I win! It dropped me some loot.

1 Comment

  1. zavyyn

    I could see this boss battle as a bullethell.


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